my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
