Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
