I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
