My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
