oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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