Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
