I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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