I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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