I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
