Tell her she can't have a vagina
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
dude i'm inner monologue high
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
