um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
