it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
