You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My bed smells like the plague
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
