There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
