Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
