Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
