I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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