I cockslap morals
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
there is puke in my bra ... again
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