Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
