i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
