Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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