Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
