Betty ford says i'm here all night
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
