K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
