i need an iv and a liver transplant
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
