Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
