Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
