So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
