please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
