you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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