Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
