we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Randomize
