respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
