nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
