so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
