I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
