it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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