Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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