what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
