We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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