How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
