Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My ass is underappreciated
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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