I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
