Plan B is the new Plan A
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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