After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
