if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
