yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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