11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Help me help you realize you are a moron
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
