By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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