My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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