i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
