yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
